Day two

So I am sat here on day 2. Yesterday was day 1 yet again. I contemplated Sat night and my husband and I ordered a takeaway and put a movie on. my eldest daughter was at a sleep over and my youngest was in bed by half seven. I remember my first glass of wine and my second, after that it gets all fuzzy . I do not remember the movie or the food. I drank the whole bottle really quickly, and then poured a huge gin . My hubby says I drank it really quickly and then passed out. I mean where is the fun in that ? Well lets be honest there is no fun in it at all. So yesterday I felt tired and ashamed and fed up. Totally sick to death of alcohol and sick to death of me .

I stopped drinking October 2017 on the 31st for 12 months. It turned into four months . From 1st Nov until the end of Feb 2018 I did not touch a drop. I just decided I wasn’t going to drink and so I didn’t . I didn’t drink over xmas , at weekends at parties. I just stopped and guess what ! it was super easy. I had it in my head and accepted I wasn’t going to drink. Why I suddenly started to drink again I do wander. So I did and drank more and more really .I have been trying to get back to the place where I just will not drink again and accept it. But after a million day ones I am desperate. I dwell on how easy it was in 2017 and so as soon as I get a craving I buy a bottle of wine. I usually make day three but then Thursday arrives and its the start of the weekend and I drink.

I am fat , unhappy , anxious , depressed, ashamed , miserable , lethargic and ive just had enough of the mental torment of when can I next drink. I don’t know if I can ever drink or moderate . So I am trying something different. I have created this blog where I can be accountable. I am hoping its like therapy. Because it is anonymous I can bear my soul and explore my relationship with alcohol and begin to live alcohol free. I don’t know if anyone will read it and I don’t think at the minute it matters.I need to try and clear some of the treacle in my head and make things better .so day 2 , mid afternoon and here I am . see you on day three xxxx

the sober queen xxxxx

3 thoughts on “Day two

  1. No children, but otherwise our stories are similar. and our relationship to alcohol yep. definitely. But here I am at day 443. it is possible. if i can, you can!

    i just read this in my health insurers blog: Have you ever felt “the fear” after a night out? Turns out, this is just your body’s chemistry at work. When alcohol is broken down, it causes a rise in noradrenaline in the brain, which is a neurotransmitter responsible for the stress response. This leads to those feelings of anxiety and emotional tenderness.

    I include that because reading it, i am reminded of that awful feeling. and i have not felt that awful “day after” feeling for 443 days! i amaze myself LOL… do you have an app installed in your phone? i have found that very useful — especially that first 7 days, 30 days, 60 days, etc. its called EasyQuit …

    there’s great support around here in the blogosphere… we’ve all go each other’s backs.. you can do this

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thankyou so much . You have no idea how much I needed to hear from someone . Ill download the app today no I haven’t . I really appreciate you commenting and that there is other people like me who are struggling too and give me hope and strength to continue. 🙂
      thanks xxx

      Liked by 1 person

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