I signed up for the alcohol experiment on sat . By Annie grace and my start day was yesterday . So today I am on day two .
I have also continued reading my quit lit . I am reading a book about the steps of aa . The first step being ” we admitted we were powerless over alcohol – our lives had become unmanageable ” .
It went on to say that the obsession of the problem drinker is being able to drink like a normal person . And that they will set rules, ie no drinking before six , not through the week etc that they all break . It says that many people are stuck at this stage for years .
This seems so true for me . I have spent so much time And energy figuring out how I could drink normally as I couldn’t bear the thought of never drinking again .
But something has shifted . I am starting to accept and need to keep working on my acceptance that I just can’t drink because I do not drink like a normal person . I have had years of trying and it just doesn’t work . Once I start I can’t stop . I have no off button and despite years of trying to develop one it has not happened . Whether I change my drink , alternate with water , all my intentions go out of the window . It does not work . And all the rules I set I break . Only drink when I’m out , lasted two days , only drink gin and no wine , lasted a week . Don’t drink before six pm , oh well it’s half five so close enough . I Cannot moderate . I can’t . So I’m working on step one . I get it . I think it’s finally dawning on me …..