well I have woke up on day four feeling cotton woolly headed , if that makes any sense ?My head aches and my throat is a tad sore. I feel like I cant wake up. I am presuming this is the toxins of alcohol leaving my body ? I had a recurring headache yesterday too and achy legs .
On the positive side I am sleeping so soundly . No waking at 4am and tossing and turning unable to get back to sleep. Alongside the 4am wake was usual anxiety and angst . The other positive thing is I haven’t reached a day 4 in months and months, I bet not since 2017 . I feel frightened. I know that I can be very impulsive and suddenly buy a bottle of wine without questioning myself . I feel safe today as my eldest daughter is in her school performance tonight and so I wont be home until 10pm so I wont have any opportunity to drink . The same tomorrow.
Friday evening I am planning on a bubble bath but later on in the evening. I have to mix my routine up a bit . So Friday a long soak in a bubble bath after little girl (youngest) has gone to bed, perhaps a face pack too .
I have read so much around alcohol. In 2017 I stopped after reading this naked mind , which is a fantastic book but despite reading it again and again , has not embedded itself into my brain to work again.
However I have recently read “I’m tired of thinking about drinking ” , and you know that’s exactly how I feel. I am soooo tired and exhausted by the effects of alcohol on my physical and mental health but I’m tired of thinking about it ALL THE BLOODY TIME. One thing that really stuck with me was Belle says something along the lines of , and this isn’t a direct quote as I may have it wrong but something like ” If you keep doing the same thing and you keep drinking you need to change what you are doing ” . Oh yeh I thought . Why on earth have I not thought of this before ?
So my recent attempts have gone like this. Over xmas drank like a fish . So after xmas decided not to drink Mon , Tuesday and wed and have stuck to that . So sunday would go , right I’m going to stop drinking. I wouldn’t drink Mon- wed as that was my new rule and I would stick to it ( for now ) , and Thursday on way home from work ( my last working day was a Thursday ) buy a bottle of wine. I didn’t put anything in place to try and change this and wandered why it didn’t work !
So the differences this time are ,
1/ I now work full time so Thursday night isn’t my last day of the working week.
2/ I am going to change around my routine on a Friday and put in a bubble bath later in the evening.
3/ started a blog to make me accountable and help keep me grounded
4/ reading other peoples sober blogs daily.on an evening , especially at the weekend when I need them the most and need to stay grounded.
5/ Stay grounded . Meditate .
5/reading different books on alcohol , I have a number in my book shelf and I am reading at least a chapter a day .
love the sober queen.
see you on day 5 xx